BLACK Friday

I woke up around four this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep. I illogically link this to the two (TWO!) turkey dinners I enjoyed yesterday, but it probably had more to do with this:

Aqualass: HI!
Me: What.
Aqualass: I'm hungry. Lets go!
Me: There were two dinners. Two. You are not hungry.
Aqualass: Yes. I am. But no leftovers. Let's go to the store for pumpkin muffins. And Walmart. Walmart is open now. Walmart! For SHOPPING!
Me: That's stupid. I don't want to go to Walmart. FOR ANYTHING!
Aqualass: Now I have hiccups. Hic. Hic. Hic. You know what I bet? I bet it doesn't feel like hic hic hic in your guts I bet it feels like THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD.
Me: Hey, wanna go to Walmart?

So we were at Walmart by six this morning, after leaving this note:
Can't Sleep.
Went Out.
Am Crazy.
Dog Pooped.
Love U.
Back by 8.

I was fully prepared to be entertained by the crazed masses once I got there. I pictured a Bosch-esque scene; the angst of the penitant, the writhing of the unwashed souls, the rending of flesh and so forth, except with Bratz dolls and blow-up lawn reindeer. There was unfortunately much less carnage than anticipated. Only a few suburban wildabeasts arguing in over-strained polite tones over the clashing of shopping carts and the last talking Dora the Explorer. I guess I live in too rural an area to witness any real holiday agony.

Which was fine, because we still wanted pumpkin muffins, which were triumphantly obtained by 7:30 or so after I picked out some wrapping paper and coordinating ribbon and stuff. We plan on shirking any further capitalist duties on this Black Friday, staying in for the rest of the day, and eating the ceremonial post-T-Day turkey sammiches.