Monday, January 16, 2012

Awake; Quiet

Inexplicably, awake and up at 3:30AM.
Awake and right back to sleep is more my style, but right at this moment? I am enjoying the quiet. The complete lack of "CanIhave CanYouGetMe INEED CanI CanI CanI??"

I miss writing. Starting last May, I decided to take a real crack at making some money via Etsy, and I did it. Not huge money, but enough to make some small difference, and it felt great. Other things suffered-sleep, the frequency of dog fur tumbleweed sweeping, this blog, sleep-but it did feel great.

Being a mom is like this. I add one thing in, and another thing gets edged out. Maybe in another five years, I will not remember what it was like to be able to fit everything in. That time in my life when I could work two part time jobs, have friends, have time to drop everything to help someone move, have sleep, have hobbies, have sex, have EVERYTHING all at the same time...with some energy left over for...oh, I don't know. I really don't. What did I used to DO with all of that excess that I had? Maybe I am forgetting. God I hope so.

With a child in the picture? Most of those things were swept away, but I could still keep a few balls in the air. Add another child? Forget it. Balls down.

That before-time - being 21 with two shit jobs, running around from place to place with nowhere really to go - I am willing to let that fade into the foggy distance behind me. But I miss writing about the good stuff-the stuff I always want to have. I want to write about Liam's first birthday cupcakes, and how instead of going to a party on New year's Eve, we watched an insanely lame/awesome show about kittens called Too Cute! (for realz, cause we are bad ass like that), and how Carl did The. Most. Amazing. Thing. for Christmas, and on and on.

...but right now, I am just enjoying this quiet moment (soon to be shattered when the baby realizes that the parent in the bed with him does not have the "boo"s)
...and my fingers are getting stiff with cold because I live in a drafty old Pennsylvania farmhouse, where it is 13 degrees outside and about three degrees warmer here in Carl's office
...and it is 6:03AM and I am finally tired enough to go grab another 30 minutes of sleep, or at least 30 minutes of warm snuggling. hopefully, I'll be able to add this thing back into my life soon. Because I do miss it.