Tuesday, January 25, 2005


My Boss held an office meeting today to inform us that she is resigning. She then introduced us to our new boss. New Boss promptly ordered four or five pizzas for lunch in an unspoken effort to convince us that we need not quit on the spot.

Hey, I don't know about you, but I think cheap cheese pizza is totally a good price for unquestioning loyalty.

*slaps on an "eye-heart-New Boss" tee shirt and hat; waves flag in a completely unsarcastic manner*

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Fare Well

Random comunication as transpired yesterday in the family of phaedre:

Aunt #1: Dad is slipping away. You should probably get here soon.


Aunt #2: I'll bring the hoagies!

Mom: Let's do a shot.

Hospice Nurse: Amen to that.

Mom (in a garbled voicemail to me): Grandpa's on his way, you can go over if you want to, call your sister.

Me (on my way out of work, retrieving voicemail): ....buh?

Mom (later): Yes, it was very nice, we all got together and just ate a lot of food.

Me: Oh yeah? Where? who's all there?

Mom: Aunt #1's. Everybody stopped by, Uncle #1's been here all day. They've taken him already. Pat brought soup.

Me: yeah, it sounds nice. What are we talking about?

Mom: ....oh, I didn't ever say, did I.

Me: no.

When I first moved to PA with my mom, the two of us would go over to my grandparent's house for dinner every Tuesday. It made us feel supported and loved and like a family again. Then, in high school, I walked there every day after school, where he made me some sort of sammich. This was usually served with great flourish, complete with pickles and chips and a soda on ice, and all arranged attractively by my Grandpa.

Yesterday, my grandpa was 73 and seven months. He outlived my Grandma by a little over five years. He's had cancer for about four of them; you know, that vague, spreading kind of cancer that old people get that they want to talk about all the time, and you know it's going to be the end of them eventually?

It was peaceful enough, I suppose. A lot better than my Grandma's emphysema-lung-cancer-pain-riddled death. (cigarrettes are bad, m'kay?) So I'll end this entry with his favorite toast:

A man may kiss his wife goodbye,
A rose may kiss a butterfly,
Sparkling wine may kiss a glass,
And you, my friend.....


Friday, January 21, 2005

Reasons I Should Be Fired

  • I accidentally posted my full name and work number in my blog while trying out that "email your post" thing
  • I am 15-40 minutes late every day.
  • I am very liberal with the "business casual" dress code (ex: one day I will look like a naughty school girl, the next day I will wear a suit and work boots.)
  • I stretch the definition of "incidental internet use," which is allowed, to include looking up movie times on Fandango and reading my favorite blogs whilst doing crappy mundane activities.
  • I daydream about my boss firing me and make up lists of items to support her case.
  • I am writing this entry from work right now.
  • I have a generally bad attitude, possibly stemming from my hatred for my job.  Possibly.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Office Haiku #3

Basement offices
Have no windows to watch the
First snowfall this year

Monday, January 17, 2005

Now that no one cares anymore...

Remember Christmas? A few weeks ago? ME TOO! I remembered that I never took the holliday pics off my camera, because I am not yet used to the joys of digital cameras. I don't care. It's ok. Some folks around my parts have not yet taken down all of their Christmas lights. AND THEY CONTINUE TO TURN THEM ON AT NIGHT.

I am actually cool with this, as I like the christmas lights. I think houses should be festooned with some sort of lights at all times of the year.

So there.

have party pants, dont wanna travel.

You know she planned this for, like, WEEKS.


Matching elf baby and mommy.

I loves me my newphew

I really like this picture of me and the baby. Especially how the baby's head looks huge. I mean look at it! It's an exotic mellon!

but, god, my teeth look yellow next to a white sweater...or maybe they're just yellow period...DAMNIT! I want laser teeth whitening!

Gratuitous Peanut Pic

little PEANUT!!! And what's even better is that he's started sucking his thumb.

Random Bits of My Family

.....all shoveling random bits of feast into our mouths. That was some good eats...

Shiny, happy people eating lamb...(shiny happy people eating laaaamb...)

Poncho Maddness

The poncho (*gag...eighties resurgance...gag*) I knitted for my Mom.

It is modled here by the lovely cousin Ashley. My mom also got some purple leg warmers in her stocking. I claim no responsibility.

Old Navy for Everyone

A sweater-type thing from the guy-friend's mom. Who'd-a-thunk-it?

Here I am, sitting in a sea of christmas flotsam, the cat randomly exploding from piles of wrapping paper and ribbons...it was a nice Christmas morning.

I opened them presents good!

Everyone Should Wear Fuzzy Hats.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Surreal Tollbooth

Usually I pass through the tollbooth without even noticing. I pay my $.75 and go on my way, somewhat annoyed at having to pay $.75 to drive, if I give it a second though at all. Today I saw something interesting.

After inching up in line and waiting my turn like a good little Wednesday morning driver, imagine my surprise as I hand my $.75 over to a man in tuxedo vest and tie. Not only was this guy dressed up like a French waiter, but he had slicked his hair back from his widow's peaked forehead, Eddie Munster style. He had all of his change sorted on the table above the cash drawer, quarters and nickels and dimes teetering precariously in super high stacks, like piles of gold before Scrooge McDuck. What makes this scenario quirky was that French McDuck Munster had the light off in his booth, and a candle lit next to all his stacks.

Maybe he was feeling blue, and needed some aromatherapy to cheer himself up. Or maybe he wanted to whack it with his other hand and needed some romantic moodlighting to help himself along. Maybe he was waiting for his girlfriend to come through his booth so he could give her a rose, or tickets to a show, or something for her birthday. I don't know.

What would have made this whole thing better is if he was wearing no pants. But I don't know that either. He said "thank you" in this deep, smooth voice as he handed me my quarter. I'll never forget that crazy morning in January...when the fog was so thick...and the toll men wore tuxes in the candlelight...

Sunday, January 09, 2005

It's Just the Wind. I Swear.

So, no shit, there I was, sleeping over Carl's house the other night, and his eleven year old daughter comes aknockin on the door. At four a.m.

*knock knock knock*
Erin: .....*sniff*....Dad....??

Carl: hrmmfmfffrrrmmmmm

Erin: .....*whimpersniff*....Dad?

Carl: hrmmmm.....Come in. What is it?

Erin: *comes in* There's someone knocking on my attic do-o-oor and *sniff* calling me up the sta-a-a-airs!

Carl: No one is in the attic, sweetie. The wind is just blowing hard and it's rattling the door. It's ok. *gives her a hug* Go on back to bed.

Erin: OK.

Fully satisfied that there was no one in the attic, on the sole authority of her daddy who said there was no one in the attic, Erin went back to bed. Carl immediately rolled over and went back to sleep. Pan the camera over to me. I am now wide awake with the covers pulled up to my chin, completely freaked out.

Me: *poking ribs* can't you just check and make sure?

Carl: hrrmmmm.

Me: But....they're calling her up the stairs!!
(He could have at least told her not to go.)

Carl: hrrm.

It was a full forty five minutes before I could go back the fuck to sleep. What the fuck, kid. What. The. Fuck.

Fit or Fat

According to Men's Fitness magazine, Philadelphia is one of America's fattest cities, and Seattle is one of America's fittest cities. Congrats, Philly, you cream cheese swilling, cheese steak guzzling, tasty cake snarfing town! And congrats to you too, Seattle, with your kayak-ready waters and walker-friendly streets and mountains! Let us now bask in our excessive flab, or lack thereof! BASK!!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Contributing to the Company

Today, I reorganized the filing system so as to expedite the processing of incoming financial documents.

Translation: I added a bullshit bin.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


steph: greetings fellow corporate whore!
me: greetings.
steph: how was your whory day at the whore factory?
me: Whorific to the MAX, yo!
steph: woot!
me: loooong day
me: need sweet sleep now
me: nite nite
me: (whore) ;-)

Monday, January 03, 2005

In liu of a real entry...

It is now a new year. I celebrate this fact with a woot.


Now that that's out of the way, I can give you short, uninformative updates on the rest of everything.
  • Christmas was a success. Much merriment and gifting to be had, no one was maimed or injured.
  • Visitation of pals from Seattle was a success. I ate a Cheerio off the baggage claim carousel, their bag was eventually found, party goodness all around, drunken opening of presents, Ryan made it back alive.
  • New Year's Eve party hopping+getting lost=missing of gooey kiss at midnight. More extensive party goodness made up for this.
  • Car now back in my possession, no maiming or injuries there either. Due to the borrowing of a friend's car, I was not put out all that much by evil car. (give or...well, give $184. Having a paycheck is nice.)
  • Part-time office job is now full-time office job. Boo. More office haikus to follow.
  • We are not punk rock.

Happy hollidays, ever-bodee!