I spoke to my friend Kari this morning, and I have some intel:
She's on to us! The jig is up! The moose has flown to Guadalajara, and he's taken a left turn at San Juan!
Her baby is almost three months old, and she already knows about the baby cover-up. How they are no fun and actually very, very boring and sometimes mean and how there is no way that a normal, intelligent person can actually endure the torture of the first few months without completely losing her shit at least once a day. She is even onto the trick where the babies disrupt brain frequencies with their cries in order to infiltrate our minds and then suck the scrambled goo out through our ears while we "sleep."
Any minute now, she's going to figure out the thing about the diaper genie.
Worse, she knows about The Lie.
This can't go any further. She can't be allowed to tell others about how we lure unsuspecting women with maternal cravings into believing all of that hoo-ha about babies being creatures made entirely of cute and life-affirming and awesome. She can't be allowed to spread the word about this. I mean, they are awesome, but some people just won't understand about the brain-sucking, and how it makes us all better and more perfect mommies...they will just be creeped out. They may even demand that the babies desist. WE CANNOT HAVE THIS!
This is a wily one. We hooked her, and now we have to keep her, ladies...but we have to watch her closely.
She likely to start talking to other moms, which could be bad. They could begin to network with other intelligent women, and support each other through this horrible phase-even treat her to an occasional restorative glass of wine-and then we're screwed! SCREWED!
We can't let them mobilize!
We have to keep this contained, and let the baby-unit complete the brain sucking! If we can keep her quarantined until phase one is complete, she will be one of us. Whatever you do, don't let her know that she's right about the dirty looks the baby gives her! Tell her that it's gas! They always believe that one!
Pretty soon, none of that will matter. Phase two: Smooshy and Cooing will begin soon, and she'll be talking about wanting another one!