Thursday, June 15, 2006

Not Just a Figment

As discussed at some point with Steph, I will occasionally backslide a few phases into denial. Before things become visually apparant, the whole thing is surreal, and it's easy to wonder if it is happening at all. Like perhaps I made up this little story out of boredom. Perhaps it's really just a big joke on everyone. Mostly me.

There should be a phase called "delusional."

I had a doctor's appointment today. The nurse practitioner, after some routine pokes and prods, decided that we should listen to the heartbeat. She did this without much warning. One minute I am sitting there with no pants, blissfully watching this little cart-and-pony show, which is all very amusing but unnecissary because I probably conjured it up in my head. Then the next minute, there is this heartbeat echoing out of my body that is not mine, proving once and for all (before witnesses) that yes, Aquaman exists, and somehow, Aquaman is in my undercarriage.

The office also made me speak with their resident counselor. Among other things, this lady stressed two items. One was that breast feeding is important. Ok, fine. Check. I'm already on board with that. The second thing was that I should get married. For the security, for the insurance, and mostly so my man doesn't run out on me. I let her know that I'm very secure, thanks; my man doesn't have any more insurance than me; and that I am more likely to run out on myself if anyone runs out at all, but I appreciate the concern. I should have told her that my partner, Candace, and I have a very loving, stable relationship and will definitely get married as soon as we can get ourselves on one of those Rosie O'Donnell cruises.

There should also be a phase called "Fleeing From Well-Wishers and Advice-Givers to Live With Bohemian Hedonists in Thailand."


  1. Ok now that I think about it, it's more like Aqualad or Aquagal, someday to become the adult equivalent.

    I heard a grossier than gross joke the other day. It made me think of you becoming an incubater.

    hahaha, your gonna feel a rapping and possible a tapping on your inner chamber's door.

  2. Dude, leave it to K-Dawg to make a big joke out of this whole thing. K, you make me laugh so. rapping at your chamber door... HA!

    Also, don't buy into the whole "You have to breastfeed your child" bullshit. Do it if you want to, but if you don't want to, your child won't suffer for it. I mean, I'm perfectly normal and I didn't breastfeed (I'm normal, right?)

  3. It's what I do. If you can imagine, some of the things I say are actually toned down quite a bit.

  4. Yes, ~eve~...normal.

    I'll incubate you-wait. No I won't.

  5. Oh I think that was a burn. Listen here, "She who smuggles beach ball", are you saying you would like to be my hat?

  6. Contrary to popular rumor, I can only be one person's hat at a time. And I'm booked for the next few months.

    (sooner or later you are going to run out of these little quips. And then you shall rue the day. Oh yes, there shall be rueing.)

  7. yeah i come up with a new one every couple of days so no rueing anytime soon. sea monkey wrangler