Friday, February 02, 2007

Just a Little Animosity

Dear Vet Office Receptionist,

Believe me, I realize that it takes a long long time for nails to dry. Please, whatever you do, do not let the fact that my cat is on death's door get in the way of a pleasing, uniform sheen to your now Tinkerbell-pink claws. And yes, the fact that you pulled out Sympathy Card #17, which reads "It's so hard when our pets get older" even though our cat is inexplicably wasting away at 18 months of age, that totally makes up for your complete inability to be bothered by our presence in your fine establishment. Just see if we don't walk out without paying every single time we come her. Just see.

Dear Pediatric Office Receptionist,

Wow. You're right. I didn't know that I am currently unemployed and unable to provide medical insurance for my baby daughter and that she is on county assistance so she can see a doctor and that my last name is different from her daddy's because we are sinners who live together and obviously have SEX without being MARRIED and produce children out of wedlock, children who will no doubt grow up and be financial burdens on your children and maybe mug them in dark alleys too, because obviously children such as mine are no good, NO GOOD from the start, as evidenced by the fact that you cannot type her birthdate correctly and thus cannot find her in the computer. I somehow did not know those things, and neither did all of the people in this waiting room, but they do now. You've been a big help. I feel very recieved.

Dear Dentist Office Receptionist,

You are stupid. You should take lessons from these other bitter old hag receptionists that I know, because, try as you might, your "uninterested and condescending" act just comes off as "braindamaged." Or maybe some previous patient who walked into your lobby was frustrated by your "I just took eleven Xanax" approach to customer service, so they took a brick to your head, permanently altering your ability to write in appointment books and tell me the correct appointment date, and you should just bag groceries for a living.

Dear Special Parking Lot Cart Retriever Guy at Giant,

You are doing a good job, buddy. Keep it up.

Thanks all,


  1. Oh noes! :( Which one of the boys isn't feeling well???

  2. bastards! some how i cleaned up my address from being defiled, and i am now able to comment on your page!! i love you Jaimie