Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Sent to the Principal's Office; One Demerit

Boss: (in gravely serious, yet surprisingly adult-a-la-Charlie-Brown voice) Mwah wah wah wah company policy wah wah wah wah internet use?

Inside Voice: Would you just get to the point?
Outside Voice: If this is about my blog, I think we should talk about it.

Boss: (pulling out a printed copy of my blog) Mwah wah wah wah against company policy wah wah wah and you commented on what I said about you wearing jeans.

Outside Voice: I thought it was funny.

Boss: I don't see what is funny.

Inside Voice: Obviously you have no sense of humor.

Boss: Mwah wah wah wah wah I don't see why you would do this at work.

Inside Voice: Because I wanted to see if anyone noted me, duh.
Outside Voice: Because I obviously don't care who reads it. You can read it, they can read it, I really don't mind.
Inside Voice: It's...you know...on the internet.

Boss: Yes, well, you also used profanity. Mwah wah wah writing you up now wah wah wah sign this wah wah.

Inside Voice: Profanity? Do you mean "fuck this job?" (Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job
Fuck this job Fuck this job
Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job
Fuck this job Fuck this job
Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job
Fuck this job Fuck this job
Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job Fuck this job ?)
Outside Voice: I guess this will go in my permanent record.
Inside Voice: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA!!

I had a chance to comment on the piece of paper that I signed that acknowledges that I was a bad, bad monkey, and that any further infractions would definitely be noted and...also filed in my permanent record. I couldn't think of anything to say at the time, but I feel like I should have put something down.

Perhaps "If you really think this is affecting me in any way, you are crazy."
Or "You are reactive and petty and crazy."
Or "I'd say that I can't believe that you spent all this time on this very serious problem when you could have been doing something productive, but I really really can. Because you are crazy."
Or "Free Tibet."

Yes. I think "Free Tibet" would have been appropriate.

3 comments:

  1. "up your nose with a rubber hose" to quote the Sweat Hogs. that would have been a good commment. you could have wiped your ass with it and walked away. i don't think they like people remembering that there is an outside world when you at work.

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  2. Dear Boss with nothing better to do,

    Go Fuck Yourself.

    Love, ~eve~

    ps. Oh, and just because you're in a position of power doesn't mean you get to lord over the "peons" in your office as though you are their lord and master.

    pps. Profanity?? ON A BLOG?!?!?! NEVER. I think I may faint from the shock of it all!! My virgin eyes?!?!?!

    ppps. Oh yeah, Go fuck yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Crazy Jewish Mom12:24 AM, April 07, 2005

    Yes, FREE TIBET!

    (And the Mo!)

    OK, time to leave junior high and get a real job with people n stuff...

    ReplyDelete