Friday, October 28, 2005

and suddenly, my job is Just. That. Annoying.

Pizza Slave: Will this be for drive-up window or delivery?
Customer: Are there any specials today?
Pizza Slave: Not that I am aware of.
Customer: (in baby-cute pout) OOOooooohhhhHH! No specials for Tuesday??
Pizza Slave: ......No.
Customer: (still pouting) oooohhhhh....alriiiiiight....(mercifully hangs up)

That's right. Whine in my ear and there will instantly be specials. Specials for Tuesday.

High-Maintainence Customer: And can I have all of the meats and cheeses for that salad on the side?
Pizza Slave: Sure.
Crusty Lumped-Up Manager with Pit Stains: Pizza Slave!! Can you please tell me how the hell am I supposed to put all this shit on the side?
Pizza Slave: I don't know. That's what she wanted.
C.L.U.M.P.S.: HOW the FUCK am I supposed to put it on the SIDE for a TO GO salad??
Pizza Slave: *blink* I don't know, CLUMPS, I'm sure you'll think of something.
C.L.U.M.P.S.: (in a voice that customers can definitely hear from the dining room) YOU TELL ME HOWTHEFUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO THIS!!
Pizza Slave: I DON'T REALLY CARE, CLUMPS! It's not my PROBLEM!
C.L.U.M.P.S.: (in high, mocking voice) ooooh, its not my proooblem!
Pizza Slave: You're WARPED.
C.L.U.M.P.S.: oooooh, you're warped! *waddles off like the lumbering hose-beast that she is*

Adults should not speak to each other this way. I might as well be dealing with 14 year-olds with emotional problems.

And the kicker. The moment when I started thinking that maybe my career as a Pizza Slave has run it's course:

Inept Store Manager: And, as a thank-you for taking on all of these hours I suddenly dropped in your lap because Joe the asshole driver quit, I'm putting you in for a raise!
Pizza Slave: Oh yeah?
I.S.M.: Yeah! I think doubling your work load and putting you on nights with no warning is worth giving you a raise to $6.25/hr.
Pizza Slave: *is at a complete loss for words*
I.S.M.: Is that okay?
Pizza Slave: *wonders how she can explain to I.S.M. that putting the word "raise" in front of a ten-cent pay hike does not make it a gift. wonders if I.S.M. is trying to insult her on purpose. wonders if she is supposed to say "thank you" in a situation like this. wonders how long this pause has actually gone on. wants to laugh in I.S.M.'s face SO badly. instead of saying "thank you," unexpectedly says,* well, whOOOOOhOOOOOO!
I.S.M.: (who's mouth has actually dropped open) ....won't that help you out?
Pizza Slave: Oh. Yeah. It will help me out. A lot. *starts walking away*
I.S.M.: Well, I can try to ask for $6.50, if that would be better?
Pizza Slave: No, no. I'm good. Thank you.

4 comments:

  1. I am so emailing you. Also, I love how you dealt with ISM. It was totally perfect!

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  2. you work with and for a boat load of frickin idiots.

    that raise would have blown my mind. just as it had yours.

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  3. as someone recently put it, "that place is run on pizza dough and stupidity."

    Delicious, delicous stupidity.

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  4. so many things are powered by stupidity it boggles my mind how things ever get done

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