Friday, October 28, 2005

and suddenly, my job is Just. That. Annoying.

Pizza Slave: Will this be for drive-up window or delivery?
Customer: Are there any specials today?
Pizza Slave: Not that I am aware of.
Customer: (in baby-cute pout) OOOooooohhhhHH! No specials for Tuesday??
Pizza Slave: ......No.
Customer: (still pouting) oooohhhhh....alriiiiiight....(mercifully hangs up)

That's right. Whine in my ear and there will instantly be specials. Specials for Tuesday.

High-Maintainence Customer: And can I have all of the meats and cheeses for that salad on the side?
Pizza Slave: Sure.
Crusty Lumped-Up Manager with Pit Stains: Pizza Slave!! Can you please tell me how the hell am I supposed to put all this shit on the side?
Pizza Slave: I don't know. That's what she wanted.
C.L.U.M.P.S.: HOW the FUCK am I supposed to put it on the SIDE for a TO GO salad??
Pizza Slave: *blink* I don't know, CLUMPS, I'm sure you'll think of something.
C.L.U.M.P.S.: (in a voice that customers can definitely hear from the dining room) YOU TELL ME HOWTHEFUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO THIS!!
Pizza Slave: I DON'T REALLY CARE, CLUMPS! It's not my PROBLEM!
C.L.U.M.P.S.: (in high, mocking voice) ooooh, its not my proooblem!
Pizza Slave: You're WARPED.
C.L.U.M.P.S.: oooooh, you're warped! *waddles off like the lumbering hose-beast that she is*

Adults should not speak to each other this way. I might as well be dealing with 14 year-olds with emotional problems.

And the kicker. The moment when I started thinking that maybe my career as a Pizza Slave has run it's course:

Inept Store Manager: And, as a thank-you for taking on all of these hours I suddenly dropped in your lap because Joe the asshole driver quit, I'm putting you in for a raise!
Pizza Slave: Oh yeah?
I.S.M.: Yeah! I think doubling your work load and putting you on nights with no warning is worth giving you a raise to $6.25/hr.
Pizza Slave: *is at a complete loss for words*
I.S.M.: Is that okay?
Pizza Slave: *wonders how she can explain to I.S.M. that putting the word "raise" in front of a ten-cent pay hike does not make it a gift. wonders if I.S.M. is trying to insult her on purpose. wonders if she is supposed to say "thank you" in a situation like this. wonders how long this pause has actually gone on. wants to laugh in I.S.M.'s face SO badly. instead of saying "thank you," unexpectedly says,* well, whOOOOOhOOOOOO!
I.S.M.: (who's mouth has actually dropped open) ....won't that help you out?
Pizza Slave: Oh. Yeah. It will help me out. A lot. *starts walking away*
I.S.M.: Well, I can try to ask for $6.50, if that would be better?
Pizza Slave: No, no. I'm good. Thank you.


  1. I am so emailing you. Also, I love how you dealt with ISM. It was totally perfect!

  2. you work with and for a boat load of frickin idiots.

    that raise would have blown my mind. just as it had yours.

  3. as someone recently put it, "that place is run on pizza dough and stupidity."

    Delicious, delicous stupidity.

  4. so many things are powered by stupidity it boggles my mind how things ever get done