Dear ::Pizza Hell::
It is with a heavy heart (fuck you) and deep regret (fuck you) that I must offer my resignation (fuck you). Let this missive (fuck you) serve as my two week's notice (fuck you).
My last date of available employment at this fine establishment (fuck. you.) will be Thursday, November 17. Thanks for all the good times (fuck yooou). These memories will last a lifetime (no, no, fuck you).
With much regard (and fucking of you),
What do you think? Too subtle?
On Tuesday, the only sane member of the management team approached me, hands raised in a gesture of surrender, and said "Ok, ok. I'll let you quit if you agree to stay on the schedule for a few days a week. How's that?"