The Seattle Minutes, part 1
5:30 arrive at PHL 1 1/2 hours early so as to avoid throngs of Thanksgiving travelers
5:33 complete e-tix check-in, obtain boarding pass from convenient, easy-to use machine
5:35 smuggle knitting needles, pen, and car keys through security
5:41 arrive at gate
6:40 board plane, sit between Nebraska-bound Harvard student who laughs every two minutes and perfect black woman from the 70's, complete with sexy poncho and fro. Wish to take both home with me.
6:45-7:31 sit on tarmac, waiting. Discouraged from rioting with Willy Wonka.
7:32 take off
7:45 obtain cup of tea, continue watching weird Johnny Depp interpretation. Eat tiny bag of pretzels, lament the passing away of airplane peanuts.
7:52 legs fall asleep
8:45 (Chicago time) land in Chicago
8:55 emerge victorious upon land, pee at nearest receptical
8:57 obtain overpriced Starbucks comfort fluid
9:05 travel underground conveyor-belt walkway; barraged by frentetic neon lighting along the walls and ceiling; feel like factory item assembled on acid
9:09 arrive at gate to SEA, sit against wall
9:10 text everyone I know so as not to feel alone in an exotic land
9:11 notice that everyone arround me is working on a paper. I have found the place where college kids go when they are not starring in my version of Felicity. Miss college. Do not miss Felicity.
9:12 lust after girl's scarf; wonder if she made it. Wonder if I could make it for me.
9:13 reply to reply texts; I am loved.
9:14 notice sweater coat on different girl; more lust
9:15 hate waiting
9:16 hate waiting
9:17 waiting I hate
9:40 board plane aquire window seat in row all to myself. Hahahahahaha. Mine mine mine.
9:55 take off 15 min late
9:56 notice how much wing wobbles upon take-off; recall that airplanes are mostly glued, not bolted together. Use the force to keep wings on plane. Save throngs of holliday travelers. Am hailed as a hero and showered with roses and yarn and gift certificates to Victoria's Secret.
10:20 try to watch Willy Wonka again. Try watching in Spanish. Still annoying. Give up.
10:21 read that the initials for the Charlotte Dougless Int. Airport are CLT. Will never forget this.
10:22 anticipate drink cart, cannot decide what I want. pepsi, tea, apple juce. tea. tomato juice, a screwdriver, tea. tomato juice. screwdriver. tomato juice screwdriver tomato juice screwdriver tomatoscrew. screwmatodriver.
10:26 spill drops of tomato juice on book.
11:04 use W.C. and extraordinarily unabsorbant T.P.
11:05 wish to punch chatty flight attendant in the boob. She is chatty. And annoying. And needs a punch in the boob.
11:07 spray water all over self with unexpectedly pressurized water bottle.
11:09-2:01 lay down on bed of sharp seatbelts and pillow of plastic armrest for delicious, restful nap, punctuated only nine or eleven times with moments of discomfort
12:02 (Seattle time) awakened by soothing sounds of pilot; look out window and down into the hills of Seattle, shrouded in a layer of mist that is all lighted from beneath like under-water explosions, frozen in time
12: 11 land in a sea of fog