Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Irritablility; Brought to You By Five Hours of Sleep

Things you should not attempt while pregnant:
1. Moving.
2. Being wrongfully evicted.
3. Getting a divorce.
4. Buying a house.
5. Going to court for problems related to any of the above.
6. Losing or looking for a job.

I mean, you can go ahead and attempt them. I'm telling you from personal experience (and from watching the other two preggo women in my life), the resulting headaches, bad sleep, and several kinds of digestional upset are like, twenty-seven times more sucky, because you can't even take the edge off with a maitai. Or two.

Do you know what the medical world wants you to do when you tell them that you are stressed, and you have a headache from too much/not enough vomiting/pooping?

Take some Tylenol.

These people want to poke around in your vag, steal your blood, and stick a nine foot needle in there right next to your baby's skull (LE SCREAM!), but the best advice they have for you, as they stand with one hand on the doorknob of your examination room, is to "try not to get a headache."

Do you ever get the impression that people in lab coats really know dick about dick? And that they also don't care about your problems, because they are too busy envisioning their after-work tequila sunrise?

It's cool, though, because all that time Dr. KnowsDick spends leafing through my chart that he has obviously never seen and going over the same handout about not eating hot dogs and sushi that I got last time? All that time? I'm envisioning giving him a swift kick in the jimmies. And then stealing his friuty booze drink.

1 comment:

  1. bahahahaha! awesome!
    You should do it, but dont drink alcohol while preggers.
    maybe you shouldnt do it.
    ah well..