Thursday, May 26, 2005

Ass, Ass, Titty, Pizza

So, I've been a pizza delivery person for a little over a week now. I've delivered to a guy in his underwear, I've delivered to a teenager wearing Homer-head slippers and not much else, I've delivered the same sandwich to little Eddy over on Woodly Ave four days in a row. (So, um, Ed...can I call you Ed?...I see you opted for the Italian Grilled sub with no peppers and Caesar dressing. Mixing it up today. Good for you. How's the dog? Did that new food give him less gas, or more?)

Anyway, today I delivered somewhere special. Today I walked back in from another delivery, and was informed that my fellow drivers had unanimously volunteered me for the job they didn't want. I'll give you two hints:
a.) it was on the seedy side of town
b.) I was paid with 27 ones



....



If you guessed the Pumphouse Tavern in Spring City, you were right! If you didn't guess the Pumphouse Tavern in Spring City, you must not be from around here. Or if you are, you are not a frequenter of titty bars with the word "pump" and "house" on the sign out front.

I'm not sure from whence the girl pulled all of those ones, because there is no way she had any pockets. None whatsoever.

I'm not going to say that I've now seen it all, but today, I definitely got an eyefull.

5 comments:

  1. well damn. adventures in pizza delivery i guess. i can only wonder how many people will see you and order from there again just to see you again. and why did you not tell me about the titty bar? how do yo know where all the places are that you deliver to?

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  2. Holy pee! You're a deliverer of pizza! That's the coolest news I've heard this week. I was a driver for Dominos during the summer of '99. It was sweet. I rolled through the 'hoods of Bucks and Montgomery Counties ("Buxmont", if you will), bringing hope and pizza to all I encountered. And acquiring fat wads of cash... mostly ones (but a lot of them).

    Trust me, the titty bar and the dude who ordered the same sandwich 4 days in a row are only the beginning of your many misadventures in pizza delivery. I can't wait to hear reports of your future deeds. One of my favorite deliveries was to an elderly couple (probably in their 70s) who were smoking up when I arrived, and they had to move their weed and accompanying equipment off the table so I could put the pizza down while they counted out the exact change in pennies (as old people are wont to do).

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  3. i remember you told me that story before. thought of that after reading her post

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  4. B: OLD HIGH PEOPLE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Well, old people seem to be crappy tippers, and high people seem to either be exact-change counters or hand you forty bucks for one pizza and not wait for the change. So I guess you could get anything with that combination.

    That kicks ass.

    K: I pulled the streetfinder map out of the back of my Yellow Pages.

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