It's annoying enough to be stuck awake at 3:30 am for no reason. But then there's the 3:30 am gnawing hunger pangs.
"Tsk, well, now's a good time to get used to that, l'il mama."
Pft, well, I don't think it's fair. I'm supposed to be 'getting my rest now,' not 'practicing irrationally scheduled feedings now.' And don't call me "l'il mama." It's stupid. I'm not little. I'm big. Big like moose.
"You should try keeping some saltines next to the bed for those middle-of-the-night cravings."
Oh, yeah. Like I really want to put CRACKERS in my mouth at 3:30 am. Yum Yum. Salty dry crackers. Just what I was dreaming about. How did you know?