Wednesday, July 27, 2005

It's Like Shooting Fish That are TIED TO YOUR GUN

Round 1

Phone: Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring!!!!
Me: (*fixing a salad*) Hey, could you get the phone?
Wide-Eyed New Kid With Underdeveloped Social Skills: HAHA! Not it!!
Phone: RING RING RING RING RING!!
Me: Actually, I think you are it.
W.E.N.K.W.U.S.S.: nope! (*walks away*)
Me: fine. (*answers phone*)


Round 2

Pizza: *is being cut by Wenkwuss*
Wenkwuss: *walks away, mid-cut*
Me: *picks up pizza knife to finish cutting abandoned pizza*
Wenkwuss: *meanders back several pizzas later* Oh, what?!?! Now you're stealing my job? Bitch!
Me: Excuse me, Wenkwuss, but you do not know me well enough to use that word with me. If you did, you'd know it wasn't a good idea. (*chops pizza, drops knife*)
Wenkwuss: Whatever. bitch.

Round 3

Me: *sweep sweep sweep*
Wenkwuss: Yeah, that's right. You do that so I don't have to do it later.
Me: *sweeps cheese and meaty bits into the laces of his new white shoes*
Wenkwuss: ....You don't like me all that much, do you?
Me: As a matter of fact, I don't.
Wenkwuss's Elaborately Erected Sense of Identity: *is shocked beyond the point of inteligible speech, has not faced this sort of rejection since the night of Junior Prom*
Wenkwuss: What? Why?
Me: *sweep sweep*
Wenkwuss: Do you think I'm annoying?
Me: Yes. Extremely.
W.E.E.S.I.: *has heard this before*

Round 4-28

Wenkwuss: How am I annoying?
Me: Take an educated guess; Ask someone else; It's mostly your face; Leave me alone; etc.
WEESI: *is scorching brain cells trying to figure this one out*

Round 29

Wenkwuss: Oh yeah? If I'm annoying, you're a BITCH!
Me: That's a snappy retort you have yourself, there. Use it often?
WEESI: *thought he was being clever*
Wenkwuss: Well....I'd rather be annoying than a BITCH!!
Me: Opinions vary.
Wenkwuss: *shoots his best 'now you're on my list' glare, stalks away*
My Brain: *has already thought of seven things more threatening than Wenkwuss*

5 comments:

  1. i can't see you in white shoes, with the foot size and everyting. and you would thin that he would spend some time outside of work in order to come up with a burn better that bitch

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  2. Aww.. that's so cute. I think he thought he was going to make you cry or something.

    What a fucking tool.

    You see though, this, this sort of unbridled resentment toward younger people who are idiots (or perhaps just idiots in general) is the reason why you would be so good as a teacher!

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  3. i think i heard her say if the excuse for something was creative enough she would let it slide. unlike this kid she works with who can't seem to add any flair to his dialogue.

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  4. HE was in white shoes.

    Yeah, I'd tell him he is a tool, but he probably wouldn't understand, and he'd want me to explain it to him. NO flair whatsoever.

    Being a teacher will be great, just so I can point out tools like this and teach their classmates what it means to be a tool and how one can avoid becoming a tool like little Wenkwuss here.

    ~m

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  5. Don't you hate when you honestly don't know whether to bring the Pimp Hand of Death or just break down laughing helplessly with the tears rolling down your face?

    Been there.

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